sobota, 25 września 2010

what a night

I used to say: what a night! when me and my beloved would spend the evening and half of the night drinking wine, touching, stroking one another's bodies, getting to know the maps of our bodies... what a poetry here!:) I don't even remember what sex is! But when I look at the huge belly of mine, I remember pretty well where sex can lead you! Whereas perfectly happy with my tummy getting bigger and bigger (1,5 months left, can you imagine) I've also become a bit tired. Pregnancy makes me feel great, no doubts about that. I'm well aware of other pregnant women having piles, swollen legs and backache all the time. Not to mention the feeling of nausea that I barely know. So, in a nutshell, it's great to be with baby, to feel his/her movements inside your body, to contemplate the miracle of creating a new life. There are some days and nights, however, when you would like to scream. One of them happened to me last night. My mother-in-law called me and announced she would like us to put her up for one night. Luckily (now I know I wasn't lucky) my hus was on the night shift, so his mum slept with me. But please ask me who was sleeping! It wasn't me, no doubts about that. I spent the night:
1. waiting for my hus's mum and his brother (they finally appeared after midnight when my best "going to sleep time" has passed me)
2. patiently waiting for them to eat and end up in beds (my brother-in-law in a makeshift bed on the kitchen floor; please note that we have one room only)
3. waiting for my son in my tummy to calm down - surely, he could feel mummy was distressed and that's why he was moving very rapidly, no matter my position on the bed)
4. waiting for my bro-in-law to end drinking his beer in the kitchen and turning the light off
5. me in the kitchen, eating a cold vanilla blansmange prepared beforehand in case I'm hungry
6. finally getting to sleep (around 1:30, I was a bit pissed...)
7. before 2 o clock - oh my God! I was woken up by my mother-in-law's terrible loud snoring!!!!!!!! I had never slept with her in one bed before! I didn't know she snores! no matter her position on the bed!!! my hus does not, so I guess I just assumed she doesn't either :(
8. 2:30 - me sitting on the toilet and crying out of fury (my m-in-l and my b-in-l sleeping sound and having a good rest)
9. 3:00 - me jamming cotton wool into my ears, covering my head with a pillow, finally falling asleep
10. around 4:00 - I wake up, my body sticky with sweat - what has happened???, I was asking myself, has the labor started? no, just too many things covered my head and my arms (m-in-l still snoring hapilly), I went to change into a spare pajamas
11. after 4 I finally fell asleep, woke up around 5, 6, 7 and around 7:30 when my beloved was back from work and my m-in-l was up, having slept well :))

Believe me, it was the worst night of my pregnancy time so far!
So, my m-in-l left for a training course and me and my beloved collapsed onto the bed. I slept till 11, but was exhausted and pissed... I must add here that I planned to attend a training too. It's main idea was teaching English to kids in kindergarten. I was so unconscious that I couldn't even think about it!

Now my hus is at work (he's mainly there these days) and I'm writing here to get my thoughts in order... A bit unconscious, planning to go to bed early today:) surely before my b-in-l is back from the party (did I mention we're putting him up this night too?)

Any changes during last days?
1. a sweet crib is already standing in the corner of our tiny room:)))
2. I have a new hair cut which I like
3. I got a job via Internet, but won't say a word about it until I'm paid for it

I don't even care that nobody visits this blog. Of course it would be nice if somebody dropped in here from time to time, but writing helps me in many ways, anyway. I don't want to tell any friends about it, for I would become very cautious when writing if I did. At least I'm anonymous and I can be frank. And now let me chill out :)

czwartek, 16 września 2010

Fall has come unexpectedly. Now the wind is blowing outside and one would like to do nothing but jump into a warm and cozy bed. In fact, my husband is sleeping off the night shift, so my bed really is warm and cozy right at the moment. Tempting... just jumping in there, wrapping myself in a warm quilt or just nestle in my husband’s warm arms...

To my disappointment, today's antenatal classes have been cancelled because our teacher has gone down with flu. We find these classes both useful and pleasant. Thanks to our teacher's calm the fear of the labor is gradually decreasing although the baby's due time is closer and closer. She emphasizes the fact that we, women, have a natural ability to give birth and nobody is wiser than we are, for we have an intuition. Frankly speaking, I'm not that much afraid of the labor process itself, but of my son being ill straight after his birth. The weather will probably be dreadful. My gentle little creature with his immunological system being so weak and all the viruses circulating in the November air... when I think of it I'm almost ill myself right now. There's nothing I can do, though.

Yesterday I spent a wonderful day with my dear husband who has taken me downtown. We went to a coffee house where I ate something absolutely awesome, a dessert called "Ardent love". Vanilla ice cream covered with whipped cream and hot raspberries served in a separate small pitcher. We also went to the Museum of Motorization, where we could admire old cars from communistic times, such as Warszawa, Syrena or Trabant. But not only cars can be found there, but also old cult motorbikes and even a few bicycles. The smell inside is very specific. It smells in there like in my grandpa's garage and when I went in the memories came flooding back. There I was, a little girl peeping into numerous drawers in my grandpa's garage that always seemed to be a bit wrapped in a mystery, so to say.

Now I'm a mother-to-be living a bit too far away from my beloved grandparent, who luckily still enjoy good health. One of the bitterness that the adulthood brings you is the awareness of not being able to satisfy everybody's needs. It appears even harder if you have spent all your life trying to please somebody and now there is one more person to devote yourself to, namely, your husband. Even more difficult is seems when yours and your husband's needs and wants are contrary to what your family expects from you. There are no easy choices. Having your own way is one of the most important things in life, this is what I believe. Even if you're considered a bad and ungrateful daughter, you have to go your own way. Otherwise you'll go mad. Hard luck, what can I say? This is the price we pay for our happiness. And if there's a pain inside of you, maybe the best thing is to realize there are no people who are completely and utterly happy. There's always something that hurts you inside. How personal my writing is today. No harm done, nobody reads it anyway:) At least it's therapeutic and healing.

wtorek, 14 września 2010

it's been two weeks here!

Dear Everyone, I'd like to write, but it seems clear that nobody reads my rubbish:) I could announce on Facebook or somewhere that I'm here but somehow I just don’t want to. I hoped for some readers to appear out of nowhere but if there aren't any than tough luck :)

So here we are, almost 2 weeks after moving to a new place. Only my beloved and I, alone for the first time. F. is kicking me right now as if he wanted to say 'hey, I'm here too!'. That's right! My little bundle is with us and I can feel his kicks very well. In two months he will be here in my arms.

So, what about the flat then? It's a studio apartment. A teeny-tiny room (it can hold just the 3 of us and nobody more) plus quite big a kitchen, a small but well-equipped bathroom and !attention please! a big wardrobe with separate doors and shelves reaching the very ceiling. I've already fallen in love with the wardrobe since it can hide all junk that we didn't know what to do with in the old flat of ours. To my husband's infinite joy all my bags have gone inside and so have all the clothes, foam mattresses, a tent and even binders with old notes! Not to mention that my hubby now keeps his bike in the cellar, to my wild joy on the other hand. Not that I have anything against the bike, I just couldn't stand my hus's keeping his beloved two-wheel on the balcony and my seeing it twice a day. Imagine a severe winter with -20 C outside, me laying tucked up in bed and my hus rolling in the room with the bike, opening the balcony door and cramming the bike into ever so slightly small surface of the balcony:D Good old times, hope you'll never come back for I just simply hate the strange sight of a bike inside the flat:) Right, now I'm straying off the point. The flat's just perfect and so is my husband, who by the way, should be finishing his work right now and heading towards home where his love lies waiting silently for him :))))