Fall has come unexpectedly. Now the wind is blowing outside and one would like to do nothing but jump into a warm and cozy bed. In fact, my husband is sleeping off the night shift, so my bed really is warm and cozy right at the moment. Tempting... just jumping in there, wrapping myself in a warm quilt or just nestle in my husband’s warm arms...

To my disappointment, today's antenatal classes have been cancelled because our teacher has gone down with flu. We find these classes both useful and pleasant. Thanks to our teacher's calm the fear of the labor is gradually decreasing although the baby's due time is closer and closer. She emphasizes the fact that we, women, have a natural ability to give birth and nobody is wiser than we are, for we have an intuition. Frankly speaking, I'm not that much afraid of the labor process itself, but of my son being ill straight after his birth. The weather will probably be dreadful. My gentle little creature with his immunological system being so weak and all the viruses circulating in the November air... when I think of it I'm almost ill myself right now. There's nothing I can do, though.

Yesterday I spent a wonderful day with my dear husband who has taken me downtown. We went to a coffee house where I ate something absolutely awesome, a dessert called "Ardent love". Vanilla ice cream covered with whipped cream and hot raspberries served in a separate small pitcher. We also went to the Museum of Motorization, where we could admire old cars from communistic times, such as Warszawa, Syrena or Trabant. But not only cars can be found there, but also old cult motorbikes and even a few bicycles. The smell inside is very specific. It smells in there like in my grandpa's garage and when I went in the memories came flooding back. There I was, a little girl peeping into numerous drawers in my grandpa's garage that always seemed to be a bit wrapped in a mystery, so to say.

Now I'm a mother-to-be living a bit too far away from my beloved grandparent, who luckily still enjoy good health. One of the bitterness that the adulthood brings you is the awareness of not being able to satisfy everybody's needs. It appears even harder if you have spent all your life trying to please somebody and now there is one more person to devote yourself to, namely, your husband. Even more difficult is seems when yours and your husband's needs and wants are contrary to what your family expects from you. There are no easy choices. Having your own way is one of the most important things in life, this is what I believe. Even if you're considered a bad and ungrateful daughter, you have to go your own way. Otherwise you'll go mad. Hard luck, what can I say? This is the price we pay for our happiness. And if there's a pain inside of you, maybe the best thing is to realize there are no people who are completely and utterly happy. There's always something that hurts you inside. How personal my writing is today. No harm done, nobody reads it anyway:) At least it's therapeutic and healing.