still here

Hello, this is me, big mama, still before THE DAY. The baby was due last Wednesday and... he's still inside:) Looking outside the window I think no wonder he doesn't wanna come to this world. Gloomy, rainy and cold. I've just come back from the post office, where I had to stand in a line. Arguing with people is not what I like, so let's say I wasn't "brave" enough to ask the people there to let me be served before them. But some of them saw the big belly of mine. And you know what? The worst case is with those middle-aged women. I guess they fall into two groups:
1. those who don't have children and see no point in giving their way to me
2. those who have children but think "who the hell helped ME when I was pregnant? why should I help the one with baby now?"

There is yet another group, I must admit, but I meet people like that very rarely. These are people who will let you be served before them and give up their seat to you. I met few of them during my pregnancy. Very few.

I'm not writing this stuff to show how sorry I feel for myself. My pregnancy makes me feel good and I don't have health problems. I'm sorry for those women who really don't feel on top of the world being in the family way, have nausea, piles, backache and varicose veins. Because what I see around be can be called a plain callousness. Why are people so indifferent?

I must also add that there is a view that still lingers on among middle-aged people, especially among women. They will repeat to you one sentence: "Pregnancy is not a disease". What stands behind this claim is that they were oh-so-poor and oh-so-brave and had to work during their pregnancy. And they did work and nothing happened! And those contemporary pregnant women! They are lazy, stay at home, don't wanna work and I SHOULD GIVE MY WAY TO THEM???

Maybe I'm writing this because I've heard it myself although I worked till the end of the 5th month, commuting each week and not feeling on top of the world. Maybe sometimes I'm full of anger because of that. Because we, contemporary women, don't care what it used to look like. We just want to take some rest. And, what seems obvious to me, we would like our mothers to stop to feel sorry for themselves. Because mothers should want a better life for their kids. Your life may be better, more comfortable then mine and I'm glad. And what do we, contemporary women, face? A pure jealousy. I know what I'm saying. I have a few pregnant friends.

Ok, that's enough:)
I should end on a positive note, so let me tell you how much I'm waiting for my Son. I'm curious what he will look like, what hair he will have and most of all, I hope he's healthy and come to this world safe and sound.

a change

I decided to change my way of thinking. I've been too desperate to give birth to F. before the due time. As I'm not experienced in this field, I didn't expect that I will carry him to term! So, I thought by this day I will have already come back home and be enjoying motherhood right now. What's more, I planned (how foolish of me) to go home next weekend because I wanted to vote in elections. I planned too much and I shouldn't have. I ought to leave things to take their own course. After all, what's most important? Elections? My plans? NO! The most important thing is F.'s health. It dawned on me today at night that this is the beginning of motherhood, the first step of being a mum. The baby is saying: hello! mummy, now you have to adjust to me, what you've planned is not a priority any more:) So today morning when stroking my belly I apologized to my son for making him nervous and for the rush we've been living in. Now I'm not planning anything, I won't go to vote and I'm not going to be in despair at this fact. My son is the most important for me.
So, despite plans that I've made, the reality looks like this: I'm home, still pregnant and expecting F. any time. Today we're visiting my doctor to have ctg.
And then the weekend begins. Two days of uninterrupted peace and quiet, two days spent with the love of my life, who doesn't have to work on weekends any more. Maybe I will see my son this weekend. And if not, I'll wait some more time.

I don't like Tuesdays...

Most people don't like Mondays. Me neither, but even more I don't like Tuesdays. Why? Because my hubby leaves 7:30 and comes back home around 20:30. On Tuesdays he usually goes to one of the villages around Poznan to give private lessons. He has been hired by one of the language schools and he teaches English. The whole course is gonna last for 13 meetings so it won't last forever, but after that I'm sure my hubby will take another course. Maybe it won't be on Tuesdays but, say, Wednesdays. Then I won't like Wednesdays:) Now the additional aspect of the whole thing is that I'm with baby and can deliver any time. So, when Tuesday's over I always sigh with relief. Not that he can't come back home any time. I just don't want to ruin his day because if he has to leave earlier or cancel the lesson, then he will have to make up for the lost lesson and retake it some other time. Which means that another afternoon he won't be home. I'm proud of him that he tries to earn some extra money. It reflects well on him, doesn't it? He's responsible and reliable, the most perfect man I could ever dream of. That's why I miss him so much but I know I just have to survive those Tuesdays. When our little is born it will look the same, but I hope to be more mobile, let's say. And I know that any additional ammount of money is needed right now.

So here I am, waiting anxiously for him to come back home. One more hour and he'll be here. Without him nothing makes sense...

a meeting of old friends

Yesterday we spent the whole day at our friends' house at the outskirts of our town. At first I wasn't much enthusiastic about going there, I felt tired and reluctant. But I gave thought to the issue and decided to go. I really had a great time. There were lots of people there, people with whom I used to work in the best possible place to work, which was one of the publishing houses in our town. Name not important, I don't know if it still exists :) Many of the old friends were surprised to see me with a BIG belly, since last time some of them saw me was at the beginning of February this year and on that time I was slim and beautiful:) Of course, I know that now I look good too although I'm fat and a bit swollen. In general pregnancy really does me good and when I look in the mirror I see my belly lends me a kind of dignity. But the friends were surprised to see me so much in a family way:)

So here we are, my son and I, still not separated, still together:) Three days left to the due time. Daddy left for winter swimming but he should be back soon. In the afternoon my hubby's uncle with his wife will visit us and this is what our weekend looks like.

Now listening to Chris Rea and writing this post. My son dancing inside of me. What a feeling, unable to describe. So, we're still waiting...
And here is my belly a few days ago :)

5 days

Every day I think: will it happen today? Every evening I wonder: will it happen tonight?
But so far it THE MOMENT hasn't come. F. is stretching his bones inside my belly and I observe these movements with great joy. Actually, I take great delight in observing these movements because I'm aware these are our last days TOGETHER. After the labor my son will not be mine, mine and only mine. On one hand it makes me sad, on the other I'm glad I will finally see him, will have a chance to get to know him, take care of him.
My SON, how much I love him.
We, women, are strange creatures, aren't we? I'm not much afraid of the pain, I know the labor means pain. I only want F. to be healthy, to be delivered without complications, to come to us safely. I haven't even seen him but if I had to, I would give my life for him. When have I become a mother? I didn't even notice.

All Saints' Day

I guess this is the first All Saints' Day that I'm not spending home with my entire family. It's a tradition that on this day we always go to the cemetery for a Mass and than we come back home to celebrate my granddad’s birthday. Today he is 86!

This year is pretty much different, though. We stayed in Poznan just in case our little has decided to appear on this world. And, in addition, I'm not in a mood for traveling, although my family lives only 70 kilometers from here. I'm heavy, fat and tired, especially in afternoons. Nine days left to the due time. On one hand I can't wait, on the other I'm afraid. It will happen anyway, with or without my permission, so I should just go with the flow:) Sometimes I'm wondering if it's really happening. Am I really with baby? Am I really going to be a mother in a couple of days? Is it all for real? I already love my little son and I try not to think about the pain of the labor. I try to keep in mind what we were taught during our antenatal classes, that the attitude towards the labor affects the whole process of labor and your perception of the labor. If we, women, accept that pain is something good because it helps us to bring your child to this world and if we assume that pain is an inevitable part of the labor, something that we need, than we will go through it more smoothly. So, I try to think positively all the time. I need to think this way:) When I'm afraid it's only evenings or nights, but I must admit I sleep quite good these days. What is very important: tonight was (hopefully) my husband's lat night shift. Since today he will be with me all the nights. I was worried that the whole process may start at night when I'm alone. Of course, I could always call my hubby, but it's more difficult to find a replacement for yourself when you're at work during the night! But it's over, anyway, and I think it's much better to have somebody by your side when the labor starts!:)

PS Any readers here? Please, leave your comment if you happen to read my stuff (you can comment in Polish). I'm just wondering if anybody has ever reached this blog:)